back to the beginning...

hi everyone! so, clearly i'm not meeting my goal to blog once a week, so far...whoops. ;) i've been busy painting and restyling this casa of mine, and having fun doing it too. if you've been following along, you know i've been painting my walls from their previous dark grey to white, and it has been so refreshing, you guys. now, i've said it before, i love dark interiors too! most any color, when executed well, can make me swoon. i gave my reasons for the change a couple of posts back, so i won't go into that again, but it has been a good change for me. now, does this mean i'm no longer sad or grieving over my brother...hardly. however, i find this tragedy in my life has me craving something i didn't realize until we started painting. it has me craving the old, the familiar...perhaps even the old me, in some sense. i don't even know what that means, but i know that when we lose someone we love, we struggle to find ways to connect to that person somehow, and for me, i think it's through my home. not surprising, but interesting, nonetheless.

as i was painting my fireplace mantel, for the fourth time since we've lived here, i told my oldest daughter jenée that i originally painted the mantel white, then black, then dark grey, and now white again. she said, "back to the beginning!" yes! that's been my exact thoughts as i rearrange and add a few new things to my home. so much of it is reminding me of my house prior to its recent changes {and my previous house too} in so many ways, including the white walls. as you all may have figured out by now, no matter which direction my home takes, one thing always remains: my love for the sea. i have always, since i was a small child, dreamed of living in a small sea cottage somewhere surrounded by the scents and sounds of the ocean, as well as endless books, candles, and good food. nothing too big, but with enough room for my family, and a whole lot of character. old is good. i love old homes. i have always kept the sea vibe in my home, in one way or another, but i try not to be theme-y. i have always aimed to just display the things that are special to us, the things we love, and so often that ends up being our travel/beach treasures. my kitchen window sill is littered with tiny beach finds; coral, stones, etc. same with my bedroom window seat and really all throughout the house. sometimes, i worry it might be a bit much, but then i remember, hey, this is our house! we get to do what we want! ;) for now, my "sea cottage" is in the middle of the desert. i'm okay with that and i really am so grateful for this beautiful desert i get to live in. maybe one day my sea cottage will actually be on a stormy beach somewhere. ;)

i am so thankful for you guys and that you follow along on my crazy home decorating adventures. thank you! your feedback has been so positive and kind too! one last thing - the sea captain painting on my mantel is one i was on the hunt for for quite a while now. i asked my mom to keep an eye out too. anyway, recently she and i went out antiquing/thrifting and she wanted to stop at this thrift store right next door to my brother's old place. i didn't want to because simply being in that part of town still gives me great anxiety, but i did it for her. i mean, it is literally right next door to his apartment complex. as i drove into the parking lot of the thrift store, i thought, this is probably where i'll find my sea captain because my mom insisted and i resisted, ha. ;) the shop was huge and we scoured every single aisle and booth. literally, on the last aisle, on the wall behind {not even in} the last booth, i looked up and there he sea captain. i couldn't believe it, yet i could, because my mom is almost always right. ha ha! i was ecstatic, almost giddy, as we drove away in my car, and i turned to my mom and said, "as i was parking i knew he would be here, even though i was hesitant and complained; i knew because you recommended this store!" my mom just chuckled. then i said {and i imagine the look on my face was one of great pride}, "looks like my brother had my back too". he did. all that to say, that story makes this painting extra special. :) i can't look at him without also thinking of a quote from one of my favorite movies, dead poets society {quoted from walt whitman's poem}...

"o captain! my captain!"

he looks like a good and kind captain too, if you ask me. ;)